Samuel Perlon-Freeman: Corruption is not merely a dirty little detail on top of the arms trade. It’s actually in a lot of cases what drives the international arms trade. Many of these deals would not happen if they did not provide opportunities for personal enrichment.

Prince Bandar bin Sultan: I would be offended if I thought — we had the monopoly on corruption.

David Lawley-Wakelin: JP Morgan paid him off for the Iraq war. Three months after he invaded Iraq, he held up the Iraq bank for £20 billion. He was then paid six million dollars every year. The man is a war criminal.

D.LW.: As I was being dragged out — right at the last second, I’m going to still say — remind everyone that this guy is a war criminal.

Tony Blair: Can I just say, actually on the record, what he said about Iraq and JP Morgan is completely and totally untrue. I have never had a discussion with them.

D.LW.: Now, I’m not suggesting that there was a phone call between JP Morgan and Blair. What actually happened was: JP Morgan and a consortium of other banks did in fact prop up the whole Iraq economy to the tune of about 2 and a half billion, not 20 billion, I was a bit nervous that day. Then six months after he left office, Blair suddenly is signed by JP Morgan for 5 million dollars every year. I was just trying to enlighten the public that there was corruption involved and not just bad decision making.

Courtroom Judge: I’d like to find out how this gentleman managed to access the court.

D.LW.: There must be a backdoor in, because they’d all gone out for tea at the time and there was a courtroom directly underneath the courtroom that Blair was in and it was left unlocked, so I went through that one up to two floors by the fire escape and then to the door of the court itself. By this time my heart was pounding like a, you know, it was really going mad, and I actually lost my courage for the moment. I went and sat down in a bathroom, I found a gent’s toilet there. I did actually ring my mother. I said “Listen, I’m here what should I do? Do you think I should still go in?” And my mum said, “Yeah, go on, you won’t get another chance.” And I thought, “That’s it, I’m in.”

D.LW.: The man is a war criminal!