…because Superglue is forever |
2011 |
RAQUEL
Yesterday Salam Khamas, at the age of 93 married Mrs. Um Ahmed, at the tender age of 105, in the town of Basra, Iraq. It was sunny outside. The newlyweds were both found dead in their honeymoon bed this morning. Mrs. Um Ahmed was still wearing her wedding dress.McKENNA
Yesterday Salam Khamas, at the age of 93, married Mrs. Um Ahmed, at the tender age of 105, in the town of Basra, Iraq. It was sunny. The newlyweds were both found dead in their honeymoon bed this morning. Mrs. Um Ahmed was still wearing her wedding dress.NEWS ANCHOR
Surprised shoppers today, in a Little Rock grocery store. Take a look at this surveillance video. It caught a deer dashing into the Edwards Food Giant last night. After circling the store the young buck went back out the front door and across the parking lot. And while nobody was hurt we can’t say the same thing about the deer...McKENNA
Oops! Now you're really gonna scream!RAQUEL
Are we still on for dinner tomorrow?RAQUEL
Are we still on for dinner tomorrow?RAQUEL
Ok. But one thing. We can have sex, butwe can’t fall in love. Deal?
McKENNA
It’s like a line through the middle, like we’re in different rooms. I've seen it on TV before, like there’s a line through the middle...McKENNA
Are we still on for dinner tomorrow?RAQUEL
Ok. But one thing. We can have sex, butwe can’t fall in love. Deal?
McKENNA
What if I am already? In love? I mean...RAQUEL
Well, you can fall out of love bytomorrow...
NEWS ANCHOR
The online auction site eBay has removed a posting made by a 10-year old girl, after Zoë Pemberton tried to sell her grandmother. Advertised as annoying but cuddly and someone who likes wordsearches...ZOE PEMBERTON
She was annoying me and she wanted me to make her a cup of tea but I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to put her on eBay and see what was gonna happen...McKENNA
HAPPY-END #75: a letter to steelworker Tommy Klycesvec from his girlfriend Martha saying she loved him arrived 44 years late. ‘I thought she didn’t want to marry me’, he said. By the time he got the letter he was 62, retired and married for the second time.McKENNA
Ok! Improv!McKENNA
Can I ask you a question?RAQUEL
Yeah, shoot!McKENNA
How is your sex life?RAQUEL
My... sex life?McKENNA
Yes, well, I mean, do you think it’s just sex? Or love?RAQUEL
Why do you care?McKENNA
Just, because.McKENNA
I forgot a line!McKENNA
Can I ask you a question?RAQUEL
Yeah, shoot!McKENNA
Do you think it’s just sex, or love?RAQUEL
Why do you care?McKENNA
Just, because.McKENNA
So, is it sex? Or love?
RAQUEL
McKENNA
Oscar and Jenny met at a dance in 1939, married a year later and from then on were never apart. When Oscar turned 77, he had a series of heart attacks.
RAQUEL
McKENNA
At 9:09am her heart stopped at the exact moment her husband was pronounced dead.NEWS ANCHOR
A letter postmarked February 1958 had finally arrived. It was signed: 'Forever Vonny'. The letter arrived on Friday and since then the University has been wondering how to find the student named Clark Moore...RAQUEL
You think that I don’t think about it, but I think about it more than you think I think about it.RAQUEL
Love has no logic, really. You love one, but marry the other.McKENNA
I know. Why don’t we meet tonight, and tomorrow night and the night after that, but let’s not break up, please?RAQUEL
I think we skipped one line...McKENNA
The hardest line is the one... You think that I don’t think about it but I think about it more than you think I think about it.RAQUEL
Wait! It’s been recording?
McKENNA
McKENNA
You think that I don’t think about it, but I think about it more than you think I think about it.RAQUEL
You think so?McKENNA
I think about it every day, every minute, every second, I cannot NOT think about it.RAQUEL
And I think about you so much it hurts!McKENNA
Love has no logic, really. You love one, but marry the other.RAQUEL
Why don’t we meet tonight and tomorrow night, and the night after that but let’s never break up, please?RAQUEL
One... chooses... to love... for no other... reason... than to lose?McKENNA
Come one! You have a crush!RAQUEL
I don't!McKENNA
You do! I can tell.RAQUEL
Un-HAPPY-END #14: a 72-year old Dutch motorist hit a rabbit on the A... ...A6 freeway. Can I start over? Un-HAPPY-END #14: a 72-year old Dutch motorist hit a rabbit on the A6 freeway north of Amsterdam. He pulled over at an exit, walked back up the road to attend to the stricken animal, when he was killed by a car coming from the opposite direction.McKENNA
No leaf stirred. No dog barked. Flies ceased to buzz and cuckoos to coo. And the goldfish beneath the water lily leaves, not a wave of tail, nor a flicker of fin. All was still, still, still...